You Tinted

It was morning and the sky was bleak with muddy blue clouds and a pale white sky sobbing beneath. It was also the day that they crucified you, right there above where the old church used to be. Near the graveyard, but closer to where the playground was before they tore it down. I was wearing all black, just a jacket and some jeans. Everyone else brought suits and dresses and veils and umbrella's in case it rained. It did, but I didn't care. It didn't matter, especially then. At that moment nothing mattered because I felt like it was all over. For everyone else it was only a chunk but for me it felt like part of my being had been taken away, just bitten off by some mad shark as I swam towards the shore, away from the ocean that I was drowning in.

Maybe it wasn't as depressing as I remembered, but I was pretty sure. The church bell rang mysteriously. That's when I think you took your last breath. I wasn't sure, it was as if you were dead the entire time, but maybe I just wanted it to be more powerful than it really was. Either way it was, though. When I tell the kids I'll tell them that's when God snuffed you out, his hand in front of your mouth and closing the nostrils of your nose heartlessly and mercilessly.

We'll all pray to life in the garden every morning and wait for the sun to rise to know that it's alright to be alive. And on rainy mornings we'll run in the rain and praise your name. I hope that's alright with you. But I won't have kids, so I'll just do it myself. It seems a lot more lonely that way, but that's alright.

One day I'll learn how to get you back to where you should be.

After it was over everyone cleared out with those black guns pointed towards the sky. I stayed around until I was threatened and decided that it would be better to live. Besides, the way the light glinted off the ends of their barrels reminded me of the eyes of angels. I didn't know why. It all seemed to white and glorious, but I suppose that's how it always is. No one likes to proclaim to be the bad guy, only thugs and dirt. But the real sinister men and women are holy, are beyond gleaming in the light, glowing, even, with their own inner beauty. Do you get it now? It eats away at those around them; that beauty is hungry, it's toxic, it's unnatural. That's where we all went wrong. We looked at it with dazzling smiles and eyes of awe, and all it did for us was rot away at our hearts, at everyone's hearts.

Now what do we have left? What used to be flowing magma is now a hardened, cold diamond.

Tomorrow is Tuesday. That was the most boring. The morning will probably be raining, so if you want to see me I'll be out running along the old trails through the woods, behind where we used to meet. Near the lake and all. I'll look for you in the water, and you can look for me in the trees. I'm sure we'll find each other in between.