Thursday, March 11, 2010

If I Die

"I think... Lowen was the one that said it, finding your own bliss. Mine isn't so much bliss as it is serenity, comfort. It's inside of me like a sleeping bag for my soul, and it's there so that I can stay comfortable if I want to, despite heat or cold or physical discomfort. It's alright, a phase that will pass, and in the end it'll be alright. Even if I die, even if I never do fall in love or die alone, it'll be alright. And if that happens, the last thing I want to think about is the sky and falling into it, becoming part of the sky and spreading out until I'm only air. I'll think about all the people that are happy, and all the people that are sad; I'll think about everyone I think is smart and everyone I think is stupid, what their lives will be like. None of them will end unhappily, and they'll all see something different than me in the end. But it'll still be beauty, whether that be Turner, Picaso, Constable, or El Greco. Dirt and gold will be equal, and it won't matter if I'm face down in dirt or in a sea of grass. Everything will effect me, and I'll decide how it does.

"One day it'll all be there, and despite seeming like nothing, I will have been."

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