i Love you

"I've been tired of your idea to be vague about everything." That was true and I couldn't deny that, could I? He shook his head.

"I mean, you've been stuck in this abstraction of-what? Your soul? Completely unable to get to the root of anything without it coming out as a blurry image. But your mind isn't refined to the same limitations that your eyes are! Look out at the world! It's red and scarlet and orange coming down on us. That's not JUST a color, it's the emotion, don't you get that? That's hope. That's revenge. It's passion in it's utmost form. It's not just an abstraction, God damn it."

He was right, he was always right like that, but I'm a thinker and I can't do anything about it. I'm going to be lazy and fall into laziness, I'm going to move on from one passion to another, from one idea to the next, too quickly to do anything with the last idea. Everything I do will be a half-finished project, and I'm aware of that.

Tonight's season might be a change for something more intentional. Maybe it's just not having the right words to convey the meanings of the right ideas, but I think that, if it isn't that, I'm just falling, as if I've tripped over a root in the woods like I did in eleventh grade. Only this time I haven't been running as fast as I could, but I wish that I was. I'm tired of this feeling of base neutrality; I want to speed up, hit the ground hard if I can, just get so wrapped up in something that everything else just becomes a blur of an image as I race by in whatever I'm in. Like looking at the dashboard in a speeding car. I just don't care anymore. Abstraction or clarification; the point is null and void either way, and no one cares in the end still. People don't stay into things, they all move on, and that's my point if there is one.

I'm not the only one who leaves everything half-finished. We're all ADD like that, we're all just more intense or calmer versions of each other racing by and flinging our interests at whatever catches our eyes.

Maybe that's why I'm falling. I throw my interest at difference, or throw it at conformity. The world's full of ideas, concrete things: emulations, originals, novelties, and me.